Today I learned something borderline heretical for most college students. In fact, I could have my membership to my own generation revoked for publishing this. The well kept secret: you don't have to have a nap to have a great day.
WOAH. I just blew your mind.
(take a minute to compose yourself before reading further, if necessary. I understand.)
Now you're asking yourself what kind of moron I am. I know; I was you just a few short days ago. It's not easy to have your entire worldview changed. But my day, though nap-less, was pretty amazing. I went to class, chapel, class as normal. Exhausted from staying up much too late for any student with a 7AM class. I ate the crappy lunch in the caf (which wasn't THAT bad, I suppose), came back to my room and facebooked a little. All very routine. I picked up my paycheck and paid some of my school bill, then set off for an oil change. Ugh. I hate cars and their expenses. The oil change is more than I anticipated BUT for $15 more, I could get my car all checked out and my tires rotated. I know that it's really a dumb idea to let the people at Firestone talk you into anything, but I said yes this time. With an hour and a half to kill, I walked across the parking lot to Starbucks, armed with about eight hours of reading to do (which remains mostly undone).
At this point, my day is still blah. I mean, I killed time with my overpriced and definitely way unhealthy frappé and read my overpriced and uninteresting books (well, book. I mostly read my Comp. book). Firestone called and told me that I really need to spend about $1,000 more dollars today doing necessary, but financially impossible, repairs. I politely declined, read some more and picked up my car.
I should have noticed at this point that my day was going better than I anticipated. I mean, you give a student a day with the potential for no nap time, and let's face it, it's practically hell. But at Starbucks I sampled the most delicious pumpkin spice frappé, and as I walked over to Firestone impeccably timed, I should have realized that this day was different. Special.
After paying an arm and a leg, I set off for the Y. I have recently started a couple fitness programs that motivate me to find a way to get there every other day. I'm running my first 5k race on 10-10-10, and I am participating in a challenge issued by a fitness blogger (see halfofjess.com). Basically for the challenge (Drop Dead Gorgeous By December or DDGBD) we set goals for ourselves and report weekly with our weight, picture of us with a positive sign, the goals, and a brag and thing to improve on. My goals are as follows:
1. Run a 25 minute 5k (or less)
My least unattainable goal at this point. But hopefully I'll get there.
2. Two sets of 15 lunges
Last week I could do two sets of 8. Now I'm at 10. I'm pretty confident on this one.
3. A 90 second plank
Last week I was at 20. Now I can do a 40 - albeit barely.
4. Make 5 new close friends
I wasn't involved last year and regretted it. This year I'm changing that.
But I digress. I ran at the Y W5D2 of the C25k program. It was rough. My first real training day since hurting the ankle, it was supposed to be run 8 min, walk 5, run 8. I did it, and ran, but I didn't get as good of a distance as I wanted. Well, I got the distance I just went over time on the second 8, which puts my at close to an 11 minute mile. Ugh. But I also got the worst lower back/side cramp during that, so the fact I ran was amazing in of itself. I'm learning about perseverance!
After my grueling work-out, I showered and read blogs for a while. Anne Jackson is releasing a book of essays that are awesome. She posted seven on seven diff blogs of people of know her. The first one is at donmilleris.com. I'd def encourage you to check it!
After spending way too much time on the computer and not enough studying (like 45 minutes) I headed over my boss' house to cook dinner. I made stuffed peppers, and they were delicious if I do say so myself. I love cooking and it was so good 1. to have a kitchen, and 2. to not eat caf food. Eating was so much fun too - it was me, a co-worker, my boss, and her husband and it was great to talk and laugh together. I love Christian community!
Next, I headed to a prayer meeting. I was so nervous because I knew virtually no one coming, but I went. Big step. A couple other people came and it was awesome. It was great to pray. Love it. I'm going to go weekly and I really hope the Spirit brings more people! Hearing them reminisce about past groups got my yearning for something similar. Again, it was so awesome to experience community.
We chatted for about a half hour before I realized how late it was. I headed back to good ol' Dennis Hall, and stopped on second. I have never spent that long just chilling in a girl's room on second! It was great to chill with people from a different floor and to laugh with them. Oh how funny they are! I also talked to a girl about getting involved with the CH Youth Group, something I feel the Spirit tugging on me about, but I am terrified to actually do. It's tomorrow. Oh boy. Pray, pray, pray.
Though my day may seem mundane and boring to you, I can't get past this overwhelming happiness and peace. Kudos if you read all that, and I hope your day is just as great.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Friday, August 13, 2010
On Power
Darkness.
In front of a window damp with condensation,
one streetlight shining through.
On a chair in the midst of assorted items,
crying to be packed.
Lightning playing across the sky, a simple display of beauty and might.
I can't help but wax a touch poetic as I gaze out into the street. Every once in a while lightening brightens up the sky for a minute, dangerous and strangely beautiful. In spite of all of our modern technology and our ever-growing knowledge of weather lightening still holds an odd power over us. It can force changes in plans, changes in lifestyles (in extreme cases), and changes in our moods. It's interesting that something so seemingly insignificant and irrelevant can wield such power.
Since the dawn of creation lightening has existed. Some scientists even claim that lightening existed before we do (which, I suppose, creationists could endorse. I don't know that the Bible ever specifically records the beginning of lightening). We know a good deal about this force of nature, yet we remain in awe of it. It's power over us is truly incredible. So much of life is spent seeking such a power. We're encouraged from the get-go to be people of influence, people who can make the world turn. But why? No doubt such people must and should exist. But what's wrong with leading an ordinary life? A life that is filled with laughter and friendship rather than dramatic deals and shallow aspirations? Is it that important that the world knows who I am and what I've done? Is it worth selling my youth, adventures, and personality to become whatever I can to succeed? I think not.
With my sister's pending wedding, marriage has been on my mind. Not that it's ever a topic far off (it's a Bible college thing), but as friends get engaged and married, it is especially prevalent. And the more I think about it, the less compromising I seem to be willing to do. I don't want to get married if it means anything less than a life of adventure, passion, and beauty. This isn't to say that I am, in any sense, afraid of the hard times (well, maybe some), but rather that I won't settle. I may be naive about love and marriage, but if it doesn't life up to my ideal why would I want to accede? Marriage is a huge sacrifice and, honestly, not one that I could willingly make without a huge return. So I'm not going to become a wife. I'm not trying to hook a man by any means -- that's not what success, value, or power are to me. I am learning to be content and realize my value as a single woman, a woman free in the world to pursue unlimited opportunities to glorify God. I'm not planning a wedding or my dream date - if those fall into my world, into God's plan for my life, lovely. If not, I'm still powerful. I'm still indwelt by the Holy Spirit. I'm still God's chosen. It may be hard, but it'll be worth it.
In front of a window damp with condensation,
one streetlight shining through.
On a chair in the midst of assorted items,
crying to be packed.
Lightning playing across the sky, a simple display of beauty and might.
I can't help but wax a touch poetic as I gaze out into the street. Every once in a while lightening brightens up the sky for a minute, dangerous and strangely beautiful. In spite of all of our modern technology and our ever-growing knowledge of weather lightening still holds an odd power over us. It can force changes in plans, changes in lifestyles (in extreme cases), and changes in our moods. It's interesting that something so seemingly insignificant and irrelevant can wield such power.
Since the dawn of creation lightening has existed. Some scientists even claim that lightening existed before we do (which, I suppose, creationists could endorse. I don't know that the Bible ever specifically records the beginning of lightening). We know a good deal about this force of nature, yet we remain in awe of it. It's power over us is truly incredible. So much of life is spent seeking such a power. We're encouraged from the get-go to be people of influence, people who can make the world turn. But why? No doubt such people must and should exist. But what's wrong with leading an ordinary life? A life that is filled with laughter and friendship rather than dramatic deals and shallow aspirations? Is it that important that the world knows who I am and what I've done? Is it worth selling my youth, adventures, and personality to become whatever I can to succeed? I think not.
With my sister's pending wedding, marriage has been on my mind. Not that it's ever a topic far off (it's a Bible college thing), but as friends get engaged and married, it is especially prevalent. And the more I think about it, the less compromising I seem to be willing to do. I don't want to get married if it means anything less than a life of adventure, passion, and beauty. This isn't to say that I am, in any sense, afraid of the hard times (well, maybe some), but rather that I won't settle. I may be naive about love and marriage, but if it doesn't life up to my ideal why would I want to accede? Marriage is a huge sacrifice and, honestly, not one that I could willingly make without a huge return. So I'm not going to become a wife. I'm not trying to hook a man by any means -- that's not what success, value, or power are to me. I am learning to be content and realize my value as a single woman, a woman free in the world to pursue unlimited opportunities to glorify God. I'm not planning a wedding or my dream date - if those fall into my world, into God's plan for my life, lovely. If not, I'm still powerful. I'm still indwelt by the Holy Spirit. I'm still God's chosen. It may be hard, but it'll be worth it.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Summer 2010
"There are mountains to be climbed, molehills to be laughed at, and milestones to be achieved. It’s vitally important to write down achievements, failures, and hilarious memories which mold us into the people who use our past as reference points for the future."
That's the beginning of Bianca Juarez's latest blog entry. As I read the post which outlined a mountain, molehill, and milestone in her life, I realized that I rarely take the time to outline those in my life. While not everything that might qualify for one of those categories can't be mentioned in this blog post, I think that August brings with it a good time for reflecting over the summer.
Mountain:
Lifeguarding - I was so worried and stressed about the class, and even more so about the actual job, but at the close of the summer the score was Tasha: 2.5 (one kid just needed an assist) vs. the bottom of the pool: 0. There were definitely some scary times - times when the water was cloudy or it was dark or there was the possibility of a storm - but overall it was very rewarding and completely worth the time and effort I put in. Duonna seemed pretty happy with the investment as well.
Molehill:
There were several molehills this summer. One was a particular email that got sent when it should've been forgotten. Another was a family matter that ruined a good surprise. While molehills have always been the best teacher, my philosophy remains that the lessons should be remembered and the specifics forgotten.
Milestone:
Definitely my two mile run in July. Twenty minutes. It felt amazing. I wish I could do it again - and I will! As soon as I can run on this ankle without putting it in danger of greater injury, I plan to push myself. I want to run a 5k this year, and hopefully be training for a half-marathon at this time next year. I want to lose some weight, gain some muscle, and mostly just be healthy. I'll post more specific goals later, but that gives you just a glimpse of my fitness dreams for the coming year!
That's the beginning of Bianca Juarez's latest blog entry. As I read the post which outlined a mountain, molehill, and milestone in her life, I realized that I rarely take the time to outline those in my life. While not everything that might qualify for one of those categories can't be mentioned in this blog post, I think that August brings with it a good time for reflecting over the summer.
Mountain:
Lifeguarding - I was so worried and stressed about the class, and even more so about the actual job, but at the close of the summer the score was Tasha: 2.5 (one kid just needed an assist) vs. the bottom of the pool: 0. There were definitely some scary times - times when the water was cloudy or it was dark or there was the possibility of a storm - but overall it was very rewarding and completely worth the time and effort I put in. Duonna seemed pretty happy with the investment as well.
Molehill:
There were several molehills this summer. One was a particular email that got sent when it should've been forgotten. Another was a family matter that ruined a good surprise. While molehills have always been the best teacher, my philosophy remains that the lessons should be remembered and the specifics forgotten.
Milestone:
Definitely my two mile run in July. Twenty minutes. It felt amazing. I wish I could do it again - and I will! As soon as I can run on this ankle without putting it in danger of greater injury, I plan to push myself. I want to run a 5k this year, and hopefully be training for a half-marathon at this time next year. I want to lose some weight, gain some muscle, and mostly just be healthy. I'll post more specific goals later, but that gives you just a glimpse of my fitness dreams for the coming year!
Friday, July 30, 2010
Self-Control
I can make monstrous messes, but I can clean to Monk's satisfaction. Very rarely am I motivated to go to such extremes, but the principle stands. Of course now that I am older my messes are generally scaled down. When I was a little girl and cleaned my room, I would rush and drag my Dad down the hall, so proud to display my hard work. Around the time I was ten, he would always respond that I was so good at cleaning up my messes, but I needed to work more on keeping it clean.
Even though I can now keep my room clean, I can't seem to keep my life metaphorically clean. I am genius at saying or doing the wrong things, then coming back with these amazing apologies. I suppose it's great to be good at apologizing, but I'd so much rather be good at restraining myself.
Recently I realized this even more clearly. I sent a nasty message on Facebook to a person that didn't deserve it. I rushed in with an apology, but the thing is, that message will always be a part of his perception of me, and worse, his perception of the people and institutions with which I am associated. Best case scenario he sees me as a dumb teenager who can't control her mouth or her feelings. That's not how I want to be remembered.
How does that glorify God? I desperately need the Holy Spirit to work in this part of my life. The more that I think about him, the more assured I am of his power and his amazing plan for helping us to become Christ-like. I just finished reading Forgotten God: Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit by Francis Chan. It was amazing, and I already want to re-read it. It's so full of truth that's all too forgotten. The Holy Spirit is what gives us the power to change and become Christ-like. If we are filled with the Spirit, we cannot be filled with the world, and worse, the devil. I've been seeing him work more actively in my life, but unfortunately not enough. How can you ever have enough God?
Even though I can now keep my room clean, I can't seem to keep my life metaphorically clean. I am genius at saying or doing the wrong things, then coming back with these amazing apologies. I suppose it's great to be good at apologizing, but I'd so much rather be good at restraining myself.
Recently I realized this even more clearly. I sent a nasty message on Facebook to a person that didn't deserve it. I rushed in with an apology, but the thing is, that message will always be a part of his perception of me, and worse, his perception of the people and institutions with which I am associated. Best case scenario he sees me as a dumb teenager who can't control her mouth or her feelings. That's not how I want to be remembered.
How does that glorify God? I desperately need the Holy Spirit to work in this part of my life. The more that I think about him, the more assured I am of his power and his amazing plan for helping us to become Christ-like. I just finished reading Forgotten God: Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit by Francis Chan. It was amazing, and I already want to re-read it. It's so full of truth that's all too forgotten. The Holy Spirit is what gives us the power to change and become Christ-like. If we are filled with the Spirit, we cannot be filled with the world, and worse, the devil. I've been seeing him work more actively in my life, but unfortunately not enough. How can you ever have enough God?
Friday, July 16, 2010
Ramblings
Lately I've had a lot of stuff just circling around in my head. Here's a brief sampling of what's up:
-My foot is still bothering me. Although the swelling has gone down, it's still painful. My chiropractor, Kurt*, told me that there was a possibility that I'd rolled it, because some obscure bone was out of place.
-We're watching a lot of criminal shows at home lately. We've pretty well exhausted Criminal Minds and NCIS so we're onto Law and Order: SVU, but I did catch them watching Walker Texas Ranger earlier. Needless to say, I'm worried. If I have to hear that "the eyes of the ranger are upon you" again, I might take out the TV.
-My sister is seeing Twilight tonight. She's dead to me as soon as the movie begins. I really don't understand this vampire obsession teenagers in our society are exploring. And it's not limited to the teenagers! I remember being at camp when the books started coming out, and I thought they were weird then. That must have been when good taste was in.
-I really enjoyed my two-mile run last Friday. The sky was absolutely beautiful, and the way that it met the long, farm grass was absolutely divine. I've never seen such vivid colors. I never thought I'd say it, but it was definitely worth getting up before seven. I love a pretty Missouri, and listening to Francis Chan during the run was the icing on the cake.
-There's a commercial floating around about this awesome DVR that you can watch in any room. You record in the living room, watch in the bedroom, pause it and pick it up in the bathroom. I know I'm a girl, but why would you want to watch TV in the bathroom? I understand that sometimes that's just time you aren't getting back, but TV, really? I draw the line at a magazine.
-Conversely I truly enjoy the Geico commercial with the drill sergeant therapist. It's awesome, partially because I've wanted to say those things sometimes. I'm a semi-terrible person.
-I've decided to become a high school philosophy teacher, probably in an urban setting. That'd be awesome.
-I nearly forgot my new favorite video.
*Unfortunately my chiropractor is not named Kurt. But I feel like it should be.
-My foot is still bothering me. Although the swelling has gone down, it's still painful. My chiropractor, Kurt*, told me that there was a possibility that I'd rolled it, because some obscure bone was out of place.
-We're watching a lot of criminal shows at home lately. We've pretty well exhausted Criminal Minds and NCIS so we're onto Law and Order: SVU, but I did catch them watching Walker Texas Ranger earlier. Needless to say, I'm worried. If I have to hear that "the eyes of the ranger are upon you" again, I might take out the TV.
-My sister is seeing Twilight tonight. She's dead to me as soon as the movie begins. I really don't understand this vampire obsession teenagers in our society are exploring. And it's not limited to the teenagers! I remember being at camp when the books started coming out, and I thought they were weird then. That must have been when good taste was in.
-I really enjoyed my two-mile run last Friday. The sky was absolutely beautiful, and the way that it met the long, farm grass was absolutely divine. I've never seen such vivid colors. I never thought I'd say it, but it was definitely worth getting up before seven. I love a pretty Missouri, and listening to Francis Chan during the run was the icing on the cake.
-There's a commercial floating around about this awesome DVR that you can watch in any room. You record in the living room, watch in the bedroom, pause it and pick it up in the bathroom. I know I'm a girl, but why would you want to watch TV in the bathroom? I understand that sometimes that's just time you aren't getting back, but TV, really? I draw the line at a magazine.
-Conversely I truly enjoy the Geico commercial with the drill sergeant therapist. It's awesome, partially because I've wanted to say those things sometimes. I'm a semi-terrible person.
-I've decided to become a high school philosophy teacher, probably in an urban setting. That'd be awesome.
-I nearly forgot my new favorite video.
*Unfortunately my chiropractor is not named Kurt. But I feel like it should be.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Impulsiveness
When I was a little girl, the phrase that I heard the most - beyond a shadow of a doubt - ran along the lines of thinking before I did something. It's shocking that I can't remember the exact phrase because I probably heard it fifty times a day. I've always been impulsive and it's always gotten me in trouble. At this point in my short 19 year existence, I've toned it down. But occasionally, when something REALLY ticks me off, I forget how bad it can be. Well, I don't forget. I think at the time, "this is going to get me in trouble. I will regret this" but I still do whatever it is that is going to get me in trouble 97.9% of the time. When my mind's made up, I generally do whatever I want, regardless of the consequences. I like to say I'm easy-going, but I'm stubborn. And that's not good. I'm not flexible, and I'm certainly not easy to correct. But I so want to be.
I want to grow, but I feel little progress. That frustrates me. Because I decided to grow this summer and recent events have told me that I'm not. My mind is both my greatest strength and my most crippling weakness. When I set my mind to something, I'll do it. But that sometimes gets in the way of really loving Jesus. I don't know what to do. I can't think my way out of this and that frustrates me to no end. So I guess I'll just have to let God fix me.
One of the most tangible proofs of this is my ankle. I seem obsessed with my feet lately, but I promise I'm not. I've been doing the couch to 5k running program since camp started. I'm on week 6/9 - or I should be. After my two-mile run on Friday, my ankle hurt. I manned up and ignored it, because I'm a stud. Actually, I got distracted. Around one-thirty, it was swollen. Like twice the size of my normal foot. It's still not back down, but it's healed enough that I can get around. I medicate and elevate, but nothing's changing. It's probably rolled or sprained, yet I still want to run. I know it's a terrible idea, but I set my mind on doing this program and I have to do it. So I'm resisting the urge to pursue this TERRIBLE idea and be a responsible adult. I just need a break, but I so don't want one. I guess this is just a growing opportunity...
I want to grow, but I feel little progress. That frustrates me. Because I decided to grow this summer and recent events have told me that I'm not. My mind is both my greatest strength and my most crippling weakness. When I set my mind to something, I'll do it. But that sometimes gets in the way of really loving Jesus. I don't know what to do. I can't think my way out of this and that frustrates me to no end. So I guess I'll just have to let God fix me.
One of the most tangible proofs of this is my ankle. I seem obsessed with my feet lately, but I promise I'm not. I've been doing the couch to 5k running program since camp started. I'm on week 6/9 - or I should be. After my two-mile run on Friday, my ankle hurt. I manned up and ignored it, because I'm a stud. Actually, I got distracted. Around one-thirty, it was swollen. Like twice the size of my normal foot. It's still not back down, but it's healed enough that I can get around. I medicate and elevate, but nothing's changing. It's probably rolled or sprained, yet I still want to run. I know it's a terrible idea, but I set my mind on doing this program and I have to do it. So I'm resisting the urge to pursue this TERRIBLE idea and be a responsible adult. I just need a break, but I so don't want one. I guess this is just a growing opportunity...
Monday, July 5, 2010
The Sun
Faithfulness is something that is vitally important to me. Maybe it has something to do with my longing for consistency and stability, but the older I get the more I value faithfulness. It's one of my favorite traits of God (are we supposed to have favorites? I guess we'll see if I get struck by lightening upon publishing this post). I was thinking about that as I ran this morning. Whether or not God answers the immediate desire of my heart, He's still faithful and worthy of praise. He'd be worthy of praise no matter what, but we serve an all-good God, and so I know that He's looking out for my best interests. He has a plan "a" for my life, one plan that will bring me the most joy and Him the most glory (which is my ultimate aim). This prayer may not be a part of that, but I know that a faithful God will answer me, and He will continue to point me towards where I need to be to let plan "a" fall into place.
I associate faithfulness with the sun rising. If there were a daily reminder in creation, that would be it. The sun always comes up, God always shows up. So, since we Christians love to tattoo our bodies with reminders of God so that we can seem deep, relevant, AND super spiritual, I decided that I would have a sun painted on my big toe during my pedi today. I have to say, it turned out quite cute. I love it, and I think of God's faithfulness every time I look at my foot. Hmmm...
I associate faithfulness with the sun rising. If there were a daily reminder in creation, that would be it. The sun always comes up, God always shows up. So, since we Christians love to tattoo our bodies with reminders of God so that we can seem deep, relevant, AND super spiritual, I decided that I would have a sun painted on my big toe during my pedi today. I have to say, it turned out quite cute. I love it, and I think of God's faithfulness every time I look at my foot. Hmmm...
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