I'm Natasha Ohmart, and I am a control freak. I don't think that revelation surprises anyone who knows me, especially people who have known me since I was a child. I have this insatiable craving to know exactly what is going to happen to me. I used to pester my parents to no end to know the details of anything that was going on, and I loved knowing that I was in control of what I could and couldn't do. That drive has been beneficial in so many things, but it has taken a serious toll on my faith.
I trust God. I do. At least cognitively. And I'm letting Him lead me to my future, I trust that He'll protect me and use me for the glory of His kingdom. But on a smaller scale, I like to control things. Like my finances. And my plans for the day. I don't handle interruptions and upsets well. Especially major one. I came close to hysterics today when something that involved a big amount of money (for a college student) went wrong. And as I was talking to my dad, the concept of trust kept coming up. What started as a frustration with bureaucracy escalated to legitimate fear of the future while Dad affirmed over and over the truth of God's provision and offers of help. And as I drove to class, it occurred me how little I trust God with the little things. And that's wrong.
You know that scene in Aladdin where Jasmine and Aladdin are running from the police? They go up to the roof and Aladdin extends his hand and asks, "Do you trust me?" That image has been playing over and over in my head. I see God asking me with a bemused smile, "Do you trust me, Tasha? Can you surrender control?" And the things is, as much as I want to, I don't know that I can say yes. My first reaction when I get bad news is to panic and call my Dad rather than to bring it to my Heavenly Father and proceed in His peace and the comfort of His promises. But that is what I want my reaction to be. In Romans it talks about how Abraham "did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God." I want to be strong in my faith and give glory to God, to not waver through unbelief, and to know that God will come through.
