The Last Day of Freedom

Things just never quite turn out to be as I expect them. Sometimes my expectations are too high, sometimes my low. And sometimes my expectations are neither too high nor too low, but just entirely different from reality. I don't think that I'm unique in this, but I do know that if my expectations were always perfectly met, my life would be entirely different and much less of an adventure. And I do love adventures.

Clearly I digress. But with this groundwork laid, it's easy to guess that my spring break wasn't what I expected in a lot of ways:

-help Dad with church/mission trip stuff

YES. I spent almost the entire week filing papers, both for the church and for him. I went through nearly two years of bank statements, financial records, insurance documents, and just about everything else. The church's filing system hadn't been updated since about 2007! It was quite a project. I did some preparation stuff for the Honduras trip, but I was largely focused on secretarial work.

-coffee with a friend I haven't seen in a few years.

Sadly, no.

-hanging out with a guy I graduated high school with.

Yes.

-lots of reading and relaxing and SLEEP!

Eh-I did a little reading (finished one book), it was relatively relaxing, and I got a decent amount of sleep.

-How I Met Your Mother season four MARATHON

Well, I got through disc one. So pathetic, I know.

-JOHN MAYER CONCERT with one of the most amazing people ever!

ABSOLUTELY. It was so good it was just about life-changing. I am addicted to his music to a point where it is greatly unhealthy. But I'm working through it...

All of this stuff was great. Even though I wasn't necessarily doing a lot of "evangelism" work, it was great to get stuff done that would enable my Dad and the Church to focus more on ministry. By getting the paperwork out of the way, I freed a LOT of time. And the week wasn't at all a slow week like I expected, but it wasn't overwhelming either. I felt very productive. Not only did I get to do the things listed above, I also got to:

-Go on a couple of GREAT runs and a couple of okay walks with Jack (he's NOT a good walking dog...)

-Have coffee and catch up with a dear friend from high school.

-Clean and cook! I only enjoyed the cleaning part because I knew that it'd make the mother happier... :)

-Clean the church twice. Not the most fun thing in the world, but it goes back to serving where I can so that others can minister.

-Have a sleepover with a dear friend from school and drive her to/from the airport.

-Have an incredible discussion with some guys at the high school I attended. My first "Bible fight."

-Run errands for my Dad.

-See a great theatre production that made me just so proud of my little underclassmen.

-Brunch with two precious girls, one of whom I hadn't seen since May and is now planning a wedding!

-Shopping with my Mom.

The week turned out to be totally different, and in some ways better, than what I anticipated. I feel like I actually grew during this time, and I keep learning so much about prayer! I read Adventures in Prayer by Catherine Marshall and it was so awesome. The best thing I learned from that was the Prayer of Relinquishment, which I think is the most liberating thing for a Christian! I'm honestly not ready to go back to Ozark in a lot of ways-I feel like there's so much I could do here! In other ways, though, I'm ready to go back and get back into the routine of things. But I'm going to thoroughly enjoy my last night of freedom regardless.

The Foolishness of Man, the Wisdom of God

The thing about being home is that I suddenly live in a preacher's house again. Which means that in the event of something happening to prevent the scheduled person from performing such and such a duty, I become immediately susceptible to becoming a fill in. Normally, not a big deal. Except in the event of communion.

The last (and first) time I prepared a communion thought, I thought I had a pretty good basis going in. I worked super hard on it during the week before the service and practiced it a good amount. Come Sunday morning, I was terribly nervous and I don't think I communicated anything effectively. It was a train-wreck, at least from my perspective. I was very shaken up and vowed to never do it again.

Which brings us to about eleven this morning, when my father walks in the room and asks me to prepare a thought. I immediately told him what a terrible idea I thought that was, given the last time, but he said that he didn't remember it being that bad. I told him that if no one else was available, I would, but I really wasn't comfortable with it. He couldn't find anyone else on such short notice, so I'm spending my Saturday evening praying and writing, writing and praying. I'm a little more confident, as of this moment, but I remain terribly nervous about tomorrow. At least if it goes badly this time I never have to do it again!

This is the thought I've prepared, as of 9:31 CST, Saturday night.

The message of the cross is foolish to those who are headed for destruction! But we who are being saved know it is the very power of God. As the Scriptures say,

“I will destroy the wisdom of the wise
and discard the intelligence of the intelligent.”[e]

So where does this leave the philosophers, the scholars, and the world’s brilliant debaters? God has made the wisdom of this world look foolish. Since God in his wisdom saw to it that the world would never know him through human wisdom, he has used our foolish preaching to save those who believe. It is foolish to the Jews, who ask for signs from heaven. And it is foolish to the Greeks, who seek human wisdom. So when we preach that Christ was crucified, the Jews are offended and the Gentiles say it’s all nonsense. But to those called by God to salvation, both Jews and Gentiles,[f] Christ is the power of God and the wisdom of God. This foolish plan of God is wiser than the wisest of human plans, and God’s weakness is stronger than the greatest of human strength.

1 Corinthians 1:18-25

This semester, I’ve been learning about the reasonable-ness of our faith, particularly in one class. The more that the professor talks about the archeological and historical and philosophical evidence for the hope that we have, the more amazed I become at the God we serve. He’s given us such compelling evidence so that we can reasonably put all our hope in Him! It seems like everyday, more and more historical Biblical records are proven true by archeological discoveries and the Bible has been proven time and again to be the most reliable book of antiquity. There is an astonishing foundation for the faith that we hold and the more I discover that, the more I am amazed at the wisdom of God. I truly believe that anyone who approaches the claims of Christianity with an open-mind and investigates thoroughly all that we believe will only find that Christianity is legit.

There’s one event that has captivated everyone’s mind since its occurrence-one event that causes all of it’s hearers to do a double-take: the death and resurrection of Christ. Thousands of theories have developed regarding our Savior and the work that he came to do, some even crazier than the truth-at least to those of us who know the truth. Looking from the outside in, it’s no surprise that they see this as foolishness. It goes against everything ingrained in the flesh to imagine that a perfect man would willingly endure the most humiliating and painful death possible and it’s just crazy to imagine the same man rising from the dead three days later and ascending to heaven forty days after that-all for the sake of reconciling people to God, people who frankly, were quite unimpressive. But to us who have seen the truth and accepted it, to those of us called by God to salvation, that very event is the power and wisdom of God. It’s truly the best thing that God has done for us, to reconcile us to Him and draw us into His presence, so that we can approach Him confidently as our Father. The cross, the terrible and humiliating death, the one so scorned by the ancient world, so painful, has made us right with a God who desperately loved us but couldn’t bear the sin that we’d chosen. The cross, which seems so foolish to men, is the most amazing and beautiful thing God ever did. This death that serves as a stumbling block to many was the most perfect demonstration of God’s love for his creation.

Let’s pray:

Heavenly Father-

How strange it is to us that such a terrible thing would become a glorious one! How strange it is that One so perfect and holy would leave heaven just for our sakes. Jesus, as crazy as we think it is, we are so thankful for your sacrifice. Lord, remind us of the strange wonder of Your cross. Remind us of your love for us and the life you laid down. Teach us to appreciate your sacrifice more and more each day and reveal a little more of our your love to us. Teach us to love you as you have loved us.

In your precious, holy name, Amen.

Four More Days

This is the last week before spring break (week of E). I wish that I was going on a trip, kind of, but going home will be great too. I haven't been home since early February and it'll be great to wake up in my own bed, with my own, lovely, furniture surrounding me. So what will I do during this wonderful week?
-help Dad with church stuff/mission trip stuff
-coffee with a friend I haven't seen in a few years
-hanging out with a guy I graduated high school with
-lots of reading and relaxing and SLEEP!
-How I Met Your Mother season four MARATHON.
-JOHN MAYER CONCERT with one of the most amazing people ever!

It's going to be legen-wait for it-dary. Legendary.

(I've been watching a lot of HIMYM in preparation for season four).

I passed my lifeguarding course, thank God. It was a lot easier than I expected, but I feel very prepared. Unfortunately my back is acting up again and I can't help but think that it probably has something to do with the swimming. But the good news is that now I can do something other than swim at the gym! I'm trying to focus more on running, but I've never done a whole lot of running. I can only do about a quarter of a mile before I am wiped out. Granted, I've only done it twice and both times it was after I had already done another cardio activity. Regardless, I really enjoy it.

This week has really been nothing special. But I am definitely ready for a break.

With Christ in the School of Prayer

I've come to the realization that my prayers, simply put, are not good enough. I've spent so much time praying for the wrong reasons, for the wrong things. I'm reading a book by Andrew Murray (With Christ in the School of Prayer) that has totally changed my perspective of prayer. I can only read about a chapter a day because the implications of what he talks about are so great that it's impossible to digest any more than that. Andrew Murray lived through most of the nineteenth century, born in South Africa to missionary parents and after his education returned to pastor there. He has such amazing insights! Let me share some:

The True Worshippers: God seeks our worship (John 4:23) because it satisfies his loving heart and it's a joy to him- he calls us to worship in Spirit (we must be in harmony with God as the eye is for light and we must not confine Him to one place or time, and we must recognize that it comes from God, the Spirit-which could only happen after Christ) and in Truth (sincerity, in accordance with the Word, in Jesus). But because we're fallen beings, we can never worship as He deserves. So how can we worship then? Murray suggests that our attitude should reflect this shortcoming. How? A confession of our deep inability for us to bring God the worship He seeks, a child-like teachableness which waits for Him to instruct us, and the simple faith that yields itself to the breathing of the Spirit.
"The secret of prayer in spirit and truth is the knowledge of the Fatherhood of God, the revelation of his intimate fatherliness in our hearts and the faith in his intimate love of us as children."

Alone with God: "The atmosphere in which we breathe and pray is God's Father-love, God's intimate Fatherliness...God is a God who hides Himself from the carnal eye...the man who withdraws himself from all that is of the world and man and waits for God alone, the Father will reveal Himself." We have a Father who sees and hears and knows!

The Model Prayer: "Christ has opened the school of prayer especially to train intercessors for the great work of bringing down, by their faith and prayer, the blessings of his work and love to the world." We will not grow unless this is our aim. "Jesus wants to train us for the blessed life of consecration and service in which all our interests are subordinate to the name, the kingdom, and the will of the Father."

The Certain Answer to Prayer: "We may and must most confidently expect an answer to our prayer...If questions and difficulties arise, don't try to settle them before accepting His word..It is in prayer and it's answer that the interchange of love between the Father and His child takes place."

The Infinite Fatherliness of God: "All He requires is our child-like and whole-hearted surrender to love as children with Him in obedience and truth....He wants us to see that the secret of effective prayer is to have the heart filled with the Father-love of God." This chapter was especially interesting to me because of my relationship with my Father. I love my Dad more than just about anything on this earth and he's an awesome dad. So if an earthy, fallen human can be so amazing and so committed to taking care of me and loving me, how much more will my heavenly Father be? I can't imagine a better dad than my own, but there is One! My favorite quote of this chapter, though, is this one: "We aren't supposed to learn to be holy as a hard lesson at school so we can make God think well of us. We are to learn it at home with the Father to help us. God loves you not because you are clever or good but because He is your Father.The Cross of Christ does not make God love us. It is the outcome of His love for us. He loves all His children: the clumsiest, the dullest, and the worst. His love lies underneath everything. We must grasp it as the solid foundation of our religious life, not growing up into that love, but growing up out of it. We must begin there or our beginning will come to nothing. Grasp this mightily! We must go beyond ourselves for any hope, strength, or confidence. And what hope, what strength, what confidence may be ours when we begin with Our Father which art in Heaven!" AMEN!

The All-Comprehensive Gift: the Holy Spirit is the best gift we've ever been given! It's the gift in which the Fatherhood of God is revealed in.

The Boldness of God's Friends: God prefers our friendship-we are His children always, even when we stray. Friendship depends on our conduct! "Prayer is an appeal to the friendship of God." We pray to obtain blessing and strength for our own lives and for the work of intercession. "God doesn't want us to pray for ourselves, but for those perishing around us."

Prayer Provides Laborers: We must pray for laborers! Why don't we? We miss the compassion of Jesus that made him pray for them and we believe too little in the power of prayer to bring definite results.

And I still have like twenty more chapters! It's been so exciting to learn all this and it's completely changed my prayer life.

God is GOOD!

Yesterday started out odd. Not terrible, not even bad, just odd. I didn't feel like myself. I had this strung-out-on-caffeine, tense, plain awful feeling. I can't adequately describe it, but it was incredibly discouraging. I attempted to fix it by confronting someone about something that has been on my mind for a while, and in an especially intense way this week. It made for an interesting conversation and was eventually resolved, but my soul still felt heavy. I tried to nap but was entirely too restless. My mind wouldn't stop turning. Finally I stopped and poured my heart out to God. I sang His praises and told Him exactly how I felt. It helped. I wasn't instantly, completely 100% my self, but I was settled enough to go on with my day. I went to the Y for to swim-which I always dread-and popped in a worship CD. By the time I got there, I was completely and totally at peace with my God. Amazing, isn't it, how worship can truly settle the spirit? I love it.
Anyway, I got in the pool and started swimming. And didn't stop. I swam the full 500 in about fifteen minutes-my first time ever even attempting to do it! As I got tired and wanted only rest, Hebrews 12:1 popped into my head: "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." Now this verse has very little to do with swimming. I think perseverance might be the only common denominator. But it got me thinking about something other than my tired body. I envisioned all the people who are rooting for me to run the race, to serve God faithfully. See, I had never pictured anyone besides the "heros" of the faith in that cloud of witnesses, the ones outlined in the preceding chapter. But I think that the cloud is so much bigger than just the faithful mentioned in the Bible. I think that it includes every Christian, as we encourage each other to finish the race. Now I could be totally off-base on this assumption, I don't claim any legit interpretive authority. But I can tell you that in the face of temptation, thinking of the people who have impacted my faith personally and imagining them cheering for me and urging me to cling to Jesus will lead to a much stronger resolve to stand firm. Imagining Jesus there with open arms, beckoning me as a father beckons his child as they take their first steps, and the path between us lined with people who have made an impact on my faith, people who have lived their lives by faith, people who have served Jesus even when the whole world opposed them, people I know and people I've read about and people I have yet to know, that is an image that makes me want to throw off the sin that so easily entangles and run the race with perseverance.
As I finished swimming and later journaled some of these very same thoughts, I was overwhelmed by this sense of God's goodness. He truly is a good God. He is mighty and righteous and faithful and awesome and loving and merciful. The truth of that is something that I hope to never, ever lose sight of.

Monday Morning Revelations

I've been trying to prepare for my upcoming lifeguard classes...as in this Friday. I have been swimming SO much lately, yet I fear it'll amount to nothing and I'll be out $75. But this experience has been taught me several things:
1. The best way to lose weight and tone-hands down-is swimming!
2. I am an incredibly determined individual.
3. I need to rely less on my own determination and more on God's supreme power.

As I was swimming my first 250 yesterday the second thought occurred to me. My body was worn out but I pressed on and reached my goal. I'm sure it wasn't pretty, but I did it. Today when I returned, I was exhausted. The swimming has aggravated by back and I was just dead tired. I didn't push myself nearly as hard for these reasons, and I realized that the only way that I'll be able to swim the 500 yards on Friday is for God to step in and make it happen. And if He doesn't, well, I guess He has other plans for me this summer. Which I'm not too wild about, by the way. Either way this should be a testament to His faithfulness and power or a wake-up call for me.
Well, a busy day awaits. I have homework to do, a party to set-up for and attend, children to tutor...and perhaps a nap? We'll see how productive I can be, once I unpause and get moving again!