Angry.

For some reason, today I am angry. There's just no way around it. Things that ordinarily might not make me especially happy annoy me, and things that on an ordinary day truly would irritate me are blown out of proportion. Even spell checker is on my bad side right now.

And I hate this feeling. I hate the discontentment and apathy it inevitably gives way to. I think that it's okay to be angry and to have strong emotions, but I often end up bottling them up until a day like today hits. Then I still bottle it up, but I don't hide that I'm irritated. My poor roommate has probably suffered the most from this. I mean, I haven't been intentionally unkind or catty, but I know I'm being distant.

This has been getting progressively worse throughout the weekend. And I know it has something to do with my back going out and the excruciating, constant pain that accompanies that for the first few days. But I don't think that's all, or even the main thing. I'm tired of people imposing their views and expectations for my life, and tired of waiting to really start my life. I'm tired of feeling like I'm not doing enough, not doing my part. And yes, there are things that I need to step up and take action for, but I've had a few doors shut lately, and I'm not good at dealing with that.

More than anything, I'm angry because what I want most isn't a part of God's plan for my life right now. At least, as far as I know. And what makes it worse is that it would make perfect sense.
So that's my angry rant for today. I'm sure things will start to feel better eventually.