Camp

Every summer I fall in love with camp all over again. I love the joy of new campers and faculty, the hopes of a great week, even the inevitable disappointment that comes when things don't live up to expectation. There is something beautiful in the give and take of camp, the utter exhaustion and the complete dependence on God to give me grace and strength to survive. There is sheer blessing in the hours of thinking on my lifeguard stand and the slow bronzing of the skin on my back around the straps of my swimsuit.

I love to spend my days with Duonna and Jessica and the interns, to do crazy things to make Tom shake his head and grin, and to have long talks with the interns. I love celebrating crazy holidays that are so mundane that it is difficult to celebrate them. More and more I find myself looking forward to meeting and knowing the interns. I love to tease them, but even more I love to sit and talk with them, to speak God's truth in their lives or to just talk about life in college.

Mostly, I love thinking over the things Jesus has done in my heart each year that I've come to WCCSC. It's amazing to trace my growth first as a camper, and then to see how even these summers find me learning more and more. I can't wait to write some of my most recent reflections, but camp exhaustion has me calling it a night. So, until later, good night.

Psalm 103

Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits—who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. The Lord works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed. He made known his ways to Moses, his deeds to the people of Israel: The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west,so far has he removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust.
-Ps. 103

It is hard for me to describe the incredible joy and peace that I have experienced in the past few weeks. God is so faithful and good, He is holy and true, He is wonderful, and He is near. I am so blessed to be called His child!
This year has been perhaps the most difficult yet. I feel like I have been challenged in every way, and God has been so faithful and good through everything. And now I am living in the truth of His wonderful provision, and it is good. His love is overwhelming and true beyond anything I've experienced. He is the God who faithfully provided for a small dream that began three years ago. He is the God who will faithfully provide every good thing for a every dream that He has given me. He is the God who is worth praising before He provides because of all He is and all He has done. He is the God who gave us Christ, the God-man who was crucified, buried, and resurrected. Oh, to know Jesus in the power of His resurrection! To be made like Him! This Jesus is the transforming power that changes lives from ashes to beauty. His Spirit is moving and pushing and doing incredible things. More than all this, this God answers prayers and works overwhelmingly in my weakness. This is the God who has told me who I am - that I am loved, chosen, made clean and pure, given the task of reconciling men to Him, and enslaved to righteousness. I am free from all of the shackles and lies of the devil, and sin has no hold on me. This Christ has made me His, and I rejoice in that!

He has transformed a community that was devastated just one year ago. He has been glorified even as creation revolts and destroys itself. He has taken what was mortifying and heart breaking and He has faithfully been present and working. He has been glorified simply in His faithfulness and goodness and His healing. Joplin will never forget this past year, and May 22 at 5:41 will always hold a very somber significance, but I can proudly say that God has been glorified even in this tragedy. I pray that He would continue to work in Joplin, especially today. I pray for His protection over the city, but I am confident that He will not waste anything that happens - good or bad. This is the good God we serve!

I am so blessed to return to a new house and roommate in the fall (as well as the old ones!), a new job, and a community where Jesus is moving. I get to start my education classes and finish my OCC education.

And this summer, I get to return to my summer home - WCCSC! I am so excited for my last camp season - I do love camp, and I dread saying goodbye. I am excited to run the GlowRun with Jessica and to get one test over with. I am excited to grow closer to my Savior and to have a season of rest. God is so good!

Trust

I'm Natasha Ohmart, and I am a control freak. I don't think that revelation surprises anyone who knows me, especially people who have known me since I was a child. I have this insatiable craving to know exactly what is going to happen to me. I used to pester my parents to no end to know the details of anything that was going on, and I loved knowing that I was in control of what I could and couldn't do. That drive has been beneficial in so many things, but it has taken a serious toll on my faith.

I trust God. I do. At least cognitively. And I'm letting Him lead me to my future, I trust that He'll protect me and use me for the glory of His kingdom. But on a smaller scale, I like to control things. Like my finances. And my plans for the day. I don't handle interruptions and upsets well. Especially major one. I came close to hysterics today when something that involved a big amount of money (for a college student) went wrong. And as I was talking to my dad, the concept of trust kept coming up. What started as a frustration with bureaucracy escalated to legitimate fear of the future while Dad affirmed over and over the truth of God's provision and offers of help. And as I drove to class, it occurred me how little I trust God with the little things. And that's wrong.

You know that scene in Aladdin where Jasmine and Aladdin are running from the police? They go up to the roof and Aladdin extends his hand and asks, "Do you trust me?" That image has been playing over and over in my head. I see God asking me with a bemused smile, "Do you trust me, Tasha? Can you surrender control?" And the things is, as much as I want to, I don't know that I can say yes. My first reaction when I get bad news is to panic and call my Dad rather than to bring it to my Heavenly Father and proceed in His peace and the comfort of His promises. But that is what I want my reaction to be. In Romans it talks about how Abraham "did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God." I want to be strong in my faith and give glory to God, to not waver through unbelief, and to know that God will come through.

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.

-Colossians 2:7

Can I just honestly say that Colossians is rocking my world lately? I'm really not sure why - I think I've probably read it at least a dozen times before. But all of the sudden I am seeing gems of doctrinal truth that I have never noticed before. It blows my mind that as I become rooted in Jesus and as I continually abide in him, that he is growing me. All stuff I've heard before, but it is as if something clicked and I am really internalizing it.

Chapter three is seriously changing my life with Jesus. Realizing that my life is nothing because it is hidden in Christ - that He is my life - whoa. Or getting rid myself of anger, malice, envy, filthy language from my lips and putting on Christ. Praying in the morning that He would clothe me with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Realizing the freedom that comes from a heart that is full of the peace of Christ and the joy of gratitude.

Dear friend, we are free! Christ has risen from the dead and given us this wonderful, glorious joy that we are no longer entangled by sins or hang ups or failures or anything that you'd like to call it. No longer do we have to be enslaved by the patterns in which we were raised or the stigmas that society has placed upon us. We get to be free.

And even more than that, we are called children of God! That we are NOW children of God, not that it is a future glorification but that we have been adopted now and are being transformed. A few weeks ago I was preparing for a seminar called Leading Children to Christ. That has also been a controversial topic in my own heart, and I was anxious to learn, especially developmentally, how to create healthy disciples in young children who may lack the abstract thinking skills that Christianity defaults to. As I was writing out my testimony in 10 year old language, it dawned on me that God loves me. Not in a "oh, God loves everyone because He made everyone" way, but in a deep and personal way. God loves me for me. He loves my personality because He created it. He loves each of my crazy quirks, and I make Him laugh with delight. And so as this transformation process occurs, He's not trying to throw out all of the fun parts about me and make me only holy, He is correcting the parts of me that were corrupted by the fall. As He makes me more like His Son, He isn't changing me to be a carbon copy in every way, He is making me the person I was intended to be. He doesn't want a church of exactly the same people, He wants all types of people: the wild, the passionate, the strong, the weak, the timid, everyone. So His transformation is the best thing that I could ask for. He is helping me to get rid of the anger and bitterness that have overgrown like weeds in my personality. He is helping me to cultivate patience and love and gentleness. That is what it means for Christ to finish His work in me - that I would be fully me as it pleases my Creator. I would be holy, loving, righteous, sanctified, and me. What freedom and joy and peace that brings me!

I think the American church has for so long sold only two identities: Man and Woman. The Man must be strong, a good leader, stable, vocal, and oh so wise. The Woman should be quiet, a good helper, graceful, polite, and good with children. Those qualities aren't bad in of themselves. But trying to cram a variety of personalities into one of two molds is bad. Being who we were created to be is better.

Over this semester, I have learned so much about God, and I have fallen even more deeply in love with Him. I have learned to trust Him so much more, to be more patient and what for His provision and time with a little less anxiety. I have learned that He is a good God, that He is unfailing in His faithfulness, that I love Him so deeply because of who He is, but also because of His great, lavish love for me. I don't know why He loves me. I honestly don't. But I am perfectly and overwhelmingly content and joyful to live in that love.

He is such a wonderful Savior. He is a glorious Savior.

One of the greatest responsibilities and privileges I have is to oversee the tutoring program at a local ministry. It's small - about ten students - but God is moving. I have been involved with this ministry for the length of my college career but just recently it was thrown into my lap. I went from being a volunteer to being a director of sorts, and the transition has been more or less overwhelming. In the past five months, however, I have seen some great opportunities arise.

I've watched the program grow from the ground up. None of the students that I tutored in the past years is involved anymore; its all new students and new tutors. The classrooms have changed as well - not in their physical location, but in the room layout and purposes. Last semester was all about these transitions.

But this semester? This semester promises great things. God is already working in such obvious ways. I have been able to meet with people and establish curriculum that will astronomically benefit most of these students. I have been able to establish connections between the ministry and the school - connections that enable the ministry to access academic records. I have watched relationships grow, and I've had the opportunity to sit down with these college aged tutors and ask them to intentionally insert themselves as role models and helpers in the students' lives.

But it honestly is not about what I've done. All I do is lay groundwork. I establish the system so that the volunteers can work. I watch them pour into these students and get little in return, especially in the way of gratitude. I watch them sacrifice precious time to pour into these little ones that are so near and dear to the Father's heart, and I am humbled that I get to be a part of it.

I am far from the leader that I should be, but by the grace of God things are happening. I've been purposely vague in discussing this ministry because of the delicate matter of the subject - my first priority is to protect the kids. But God is moving in mighty ways, and I find myself daily experiencing this. Lately, its been most tangible in the attacks I find the devil attempting. But I see it in the conversations I have with parents, in the interactions I have with the kids, and I see it in the commitment and passion of my volunteers. And the real point of what this is, the real reason that nothing that I do truly matters is because it is all for the sake of the glory and honor and power of God. If I lose everything, pursuing that end I still will have won.

It's difficult for me to articulate all of the things that I wish to appear on this blog. Sometimes things crystallize perfectly, and I write things that, to me, seem inspired on some level, or at least profound as they relate to me. And honestly, that's kind of what blogging is: a collection of the happenings and thoughts which you wish to share, sometimes because they inspire you, sometimes because they inspire others. Lately it has been very difficult to find the words or the time or even the stability to write. Even as I type sentences are not coming together in my mind as they sometimes do. However, I am afraid of losing the ability to write all together and so I try this fine evening.

Stability. Chaos. One of those words characterizes my life far more often than the other. If it were stability, I doubt that I would be writing about it right now. I crave stability. There is little that I love more than an established routine, knowing what to expect. Oh, I love thinking of the future and the joys which I know will characterize the change in my life, but when I am standing on the brink of a new transition I only want to visualize exactly what my life will be. My father pinpointed this for me better than I could ever for myself. Interesting, isn't it, how easily parents can identify core personality themes?

I digress. Stability is become a more constant theme in my life. I am not sure what is different this semester, if I simply know how to prioritize better, if I know who I am and what I want more intimately, or if something massive changed over break that I haven't put my finger on yet. Ultimately it is not important to know why. What is important is that I am looking forward to a semester filled with peace, filled with training, filled with stability, filled with Jesus.

Exciting things are happening in nearly every aspect of my life. As always, God is working in Life House in ways that I can hardly believe. If you're reading this, small blog audience, please pray for the leadership of Life House. Pray for our kids, pray for our volunteers - how honored I would be if you prayed for me. It's never easy, but I am finding more and more joy in the responsibilities I have.

November Edition

Once the school year hits, I feel as if this blog turns into an obligatory newspaper to which I must write at least monthly. In the summer, and during Christmas break, I am bursting with things that I am turning over in my mind and want to share. When I am in Joplin, I barely have time to think through the things I am doing.

At any rate, these days I find myself longing to read. Like most girls, I have lately been looking through Pinterest. I have found the website most helpful in planning for Christmas. In fact, I found all my gift ideas on Pinterest this year, and I so enjoy making them. There is something special about a homemade gift, I think. I have already finished three of my gifts, planned three to be completed closer to Christmas, and am ironing out the details of the last five. However, my favorite thing to find on Pinterest have undoubtedly been the reading nooks. Every once in a while a "pin" will appear depicting some fabulous shelving idea or some great corner that just beckons one to come and spend hours with a good book. I can't remember the last book that I finished that I read just for myself, for enjoyment. I hope to have the opportunity to do so again soon.

Mostly my days are spent running from one activity to the next. When I daydream at the future, I am most excited for 8-5 days that are spent in one place, for evenings spent in my home, for homework free nights. However, I fear these dreams are nothing more and I will find things to occupy those precious hours. I just don't seem to be able to sit still.

If this post comes across discontent and exhausted, it is because I am. It's that part of the semester where students just long to be done. Thanksgiving break gives a glimpse of Christmas break, which glimpses summer break - a time of joyous relaxation and recuperation. And camp. Oh, how I miss camp.

I do have several things to look forward to, however. I get to spend New Years in Syracuse, NY with my best friend for her birthday, I get to have lunch with six of my very good friends that have not all gathered together since 2009, and I get to spend a few hours with a friend that I have not seen in at least a decade. And I get to visit camp.

If I can make it through the next three weeks, I will be a very happy girl!