Tomorrow I loose a great ally for a short time. For the next few days, I shall have to suffer through what has become perhaps my greatest character struggle this year. I have enjoyed her well-timed encouragement and the displeased looks that motivate me to change my attitude, but this weekend brings a challenge to survive alone. She has been a great blessing to me, and I hope that I have likewise provided some encouragement to her.
Perhaps I am a little sentimental; I just finished reading "Little Women" last night for the first time in several years. It was wonderful to stay up late and read, just like I used to during every break we had before college. When my eyes finally moved from the last sentence of the book, it was approximately 3:30 AM, much later than I intended. Watching Amy and Jo and Meg struggle through their childhood years seemed to me to indicate that I am greatly lacking in so many areas. Despite the fictional story (though based on Alcott's life, if I remember correctly) and the romanticism of the characters (it is undeniable), there was still a great moral theme running throughout the book that made me ashamed of my own.
Lately I have been very dissatisfied with my own character, and it seems that whenever I open my mouth, the worst seems to come out. I am a chatterer, a gossip, and I don't use my words to edify nearly enough. Reflecting back on all that I say and do brings a blush to my face, and I am easily frustrated. I have seen God change me so much this year, and it seems that the labor is an ever-growing task. As I type this, I can't help but remember the relevance of the sermon on Sunday to my own life. My dad made the point that a Godly discontent with your character and a desire to grow is healthy. I suppose I agree, but I wish my flaws did not show themselves quite so frequently! I wish that I had a kinder disposition, a more agreeable one. I am so quick to speak and so anxious to appear witty or smart that I often do the opposite. Perhaps that is why I sympathize so well with Jo March, one of the heroines of "Little Women." So many of the things she did or said are things that I myself wish I could express. Somehow she learned to tame her tongue, and I am determined that I shall succeed also.
